barry makes some bread.

and by some, i mean a lot. yes, last week was ukrainian christmas, so a shindig was in order to celebrate the occasion, and, of course, a proper shindig requires food. deciding to do a traditional ukrainian christmas eve dinner, i set out to think of which twelve dishes to have. i made it to eleven before getting stuck. i thought that i could attempt fish jello or pickled herring, but the jello boat has sailed for the next month or so since new year’s was jello-filled, and i just refused to have pickled herring in my apartment. then it hit me: kolach! yes, traditional christmas bread would be perfect and meaningful in getting my guests in the true meatless/dairy-less spirit of things. i’ve never even thought of attempting such a feat before, so i found a recipe, looked up online how to braid the stuff, and set to work. i started at 6:30 pm after a quick bite to eat, knowing that i’d probably be up until midnight baking, but no worries because one of barry’s buds came by to visit and photograph THE EVENT. so i left the yeast to do it’s thing, then added the first of many, many cups of flour, and then let it continue to do its thing.
9:00 pm.
okay, first step complete (finally). the camembert my bud brought is now gone, and the smell of yeast has begun to overwhelm us. we now mix the rest of the many, many cups of flour with the mixture along with some eggs and oil. my arm began to go numb around 9:30, but it’s okay, this is an art! soon after i throw the spoon away and start going at the mixture with my hands. i make sure everything is mixed and then try to nurse my arm back to health with a drink or two. 11:00 pm.
okay, no problem, it’s time for the inaugural punching down of the dough. i feel that this is payback for my arm during the mixing portion of this misadventure and take great delight in doing a little damage to my dough. we’re feeling a little light-headed from the yeast. part of that might have been from the vino, but really, it was from the yeast. let it rise again.
12:30 am.
okay, so we’re past my midnight deadline. no problem. we take the frustration out on the bread. i feel that our punches are a bit weaker than they once were. we may have finally been overwhelmed. we retreat to the living room to recover from the yeast.

1:30 am.
we’re not waiting any longer. this is go-time. we pull out pieces of dough to roll out and make three braids and layer them one atop another. once again, patience is a virtue as we let it rise. *sigh*
2:00 am.
“the blob” has risen. as i try to make it look less blobby with the help of a steak knife, my cohort brushes the thing with a nice egg wash. into my tiny, apartment-sized oven with it. we now start to work on the rest of the dough and braid breadsticks for each of my dinner guests. while the blob bakes, the breadsticks rise.

2:45 am.
oh god – it’s 2:45 in the morning… the blob emerges, and has been transformed from a beast into a thing of beauty that smells delicious. we tap the bottom, which makes a hollow sound. it’s ready. tray one of breadsticks goes in after being brushed with whisked egg.
3:10 am.
tray one comes out, and tray two goes in. barry’s bud bails. they made a valiant effort, but we have been baking since 6:30 pm.

3:30 am.
tray two is out, and so am i. my eyeballs hurt, and i’m drunk with the smell of fresh bread (and again, possibly wine).

so was this craziness worth it? hell yes. fantastic bread, hilarious conversation, camembert, and a group of admiring dinner guests the next night – it was so worth it. the bread was actually easy to make, just time consuming as you waited for things to rise. this is the perfect thing to make to impress company if you’re hanging around home working on other projects. or maybe i’m just a masochist. either way, fun times with carbs are always something to write about.

kolach recipe courtesy the holy trinity ukrainian catholic parish
1907 – 2007 centennial cookbook

2 pkg. yeast
1 c. water
4 c. water
1 tsp. sugar
4 c. flour
4 eggs
¼ c. sugar
2 tsp. salt
6 tbsp. cooking oil
7 – 8 c. flour
1 egg, beaten

1. dissolve 1 tsp. sugar in 1 c. lukewarm water and sprinkle yeast over it. let stand for 15 minutes.

2. combine yeast with 4 c. lukewarm water. add 4 c. flour and beat hard until smooth. cover and set aside in a warm place for 1 to 1 ½ hours until sponge is light and bubbly.

3. in a separate bowl beat eggs, add sugar and salt and beat slightly. add oil and beaten eggs to sponge mixture.

4. work in flour 1 c. at a time to make a fairly stiff dough. knead well. cover and put in warm place to rise until double in bulk.

5. punch down and let rise again.

6. divide dough in proportion and braid.

7. let braided dough rise then brush with 1 egg beaten.

8. place a rack in the lower third of the oven. preheat the oven to 350 F.

9. put dough in oven for approximately 45 minutes. bread will be done if when the bottom is tapped it makes a hollow sound.

for braiding techniques, visit http://foodgeeks.com/recipes/recipe/20030,ukrainian_christmas_bread_kolach.phtml